I really wish I could go to school out of state I love my friends here in Austin and my family but in all honesty I’m dying to see what else is out there this isn’t what I want you know to stay here in Cedar Park pft if anything I have been trying to get out of this miserable drama filled town since sophomore year.. But my lease isn’t up until October. -__________- I’ve always felt like I’m under a microscope someone always watching my next move or when I will screw up next it’s annoying just let me live my life the way I want it too. I’m never in any one’s business or better yet you will never catch me talking about people or gossiping that is the last thing I ever worry about what people are doing with their lives. I know people say this all the time but I really do have a lot of better things to do
I have always been the type of person who really follows their heart and yeah I do confess that I tend to make a lot of spontaneous reckless decisions at times but maybe it’s because I never want to look back and be like god damn it what if what fucking if I never want to feel that sort of regret. If things are meant to be they will work out if not then I move on and learn from that experience that’s life you live and you learn.
And yeah sometimes It’s a little harder letting go of certain things especially to me since I hold on to everything every person that has ever been in my life to well just about anything and everything. Its really hard and I hate myself for doing this holding on to memories constantly. I’m not perfect I am always very aware of my mistakes but I don’t feel like I’m a bad person because I’m really not a bad person the difference between me and a bad person is I care. I care a whole deal I really do no matter how much of a front I put on and I have a very big and forgiving heart. And in all of my 19 years of living I feel that I have really only messed up with 3 people a boy who I used to date my junior year a girl who I used to be best friends my senior year and someone who is family and until this day I can only hope they can forgive me for everything. I’ve grown up a lot I’m not the same girl I was 3 years ago back then I was very lost/confused and never knew what I wanted. I now know exactly what I want and need to be successful I live on my own without any help from my parents I pay my own car and all my living expenses and if I one day I wake wanting to move to I don’t know lets say Colorado believe me I will make it happen and remember I’m only 19 years old I have really come a long way from what I used to be.